Remember "Twitter Whore"?

Hey guys! Do you remember when calling people "twitter whores" was a thing, and now it's kind of the norm to be twitter whore-ish? It kind of lost its meaning like "Groovy" or "Hannah Montana".

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm against people tweeting constantly or that I ever found that phrase derogatory, I mean, that's what Twitter is for, right? I always think of Twitter as the equivalent of  a Facebook User on cocaine. I know right? Good luck getting that deep metaphor out of your head!

Anyways, I think "Twitter Whore" should be given a new definition. Instead of it being a person who tweets constantly, since that's the whole point of it(nowadays anyways), it's someone who takes Twitter way too seriously.

Let me explain myself. Someone who takes Twitter too seriously is someone who's life rotates around the social network. It's someone who brags about their followers to people even though not even  Jesus Christ cares. It's someone who devotes to make their life "interesting", not for themselves, but for the oh-so-faithful followers. The person breathes Twitter! They'll make babies with Twitter!Well, you get the picture.

This applies to any social network, by the way.

    Insert social network name      Whore  <--- As you can see in my very detailed formula, the laws of whore-ism does indeed apply to any social network. YES! Even Blogger! Though, I'm not sure if it's really considered a social network by many.

I guess I focused on Twitter because that's where I really first heard the term and I remember that word being thrown here and there. AND it's one of my most recent experiences. Let's call this human, Minty. Minty started telling me about their followers and who retweeted what and whose twat. I DON'T CARE! NOBODY DOES! Other Twitter Whores do! Go tell them and brag about your cybernetic digits that represent people clicking a button that represents that you're being followed! They'll join your Twitter posy!

One could always ignore these things, but it's sad to see someone take so much goddamn importance about a social network. I don't want to sound like a crotchety old man but it is sad! Social networks are great and fun, but don't live for it.

So with my formula, you can apply it anywhere you want! I'll call it "The First Law of Whore Relativity". So go out and don't be stuck behind a social network! Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be in my locked, dark room writing more posts and crying about how I couldn't win the lottery for the seventeenth time! That's what...social people do, right?

-Doug